Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Taking My Daughter to Starbucks
I took my nine-year-old girl to Starbucks. Grande, decaf, black, I said. My girl ordered something much more interesting. Caramel Apple Spice with a cakey treat. I asked if we should sit or get in the car and drive. Let's sit. I don't want to spill this in the car. We can watch the cars. So she and I sat at the window. Two Verizon trucks went by. I think there's a place down that way, she pointed to our right, where the trucks live. What do you think that woman in the parking lot was doing before she came here, I ask. Oh, her, she was at the dentist's office. That's where she works. She sits behind the desk and says, it's your turn, honey. This my daughter says in a Brooklyn accent. We've never been to Brooklyn. There's a Starbucks there. I'm sure of it. And out the window of that Starbucks stare a girl and her mother. She asks her girl what the man in the brown jacket was doing before he stopped for coffee. Her daughter smiles putting on an accent her mother can't quite recognize: he’s an English teacher. He doesn't like his job. Wishes he was a poet. He's come a long way for a magical cup of coffee. An escape. Her mother smiles and asks where people talk like that. The man in the brown jacket smiles at them. It's a Syracuse accent, he says. Trust me. My daughter sounds like that almost all the time.
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It's bad form to comment on your own stuff, but I wanted to say up front that it has been a while since I've written anything even vaguely poetic and just as long since I've read any poetry, so this one is...well, I'm not sure. Still, it felt good to be back in the writing saddle, so I figured, why not post it? Let me know what you think.
ReplyDeleteI like it. It's different. The cadence is off for me but I still like it.
ReplyDeleteBen, thank you for reading it. I bet that the cadence is a bit off for anyone. It feels rough and the transitions between speakers and the two locations isn't what I would like it to be.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your comment. Thank you again.
Sounds like you are leading down the path of a creative artist with a rich source of material.
ReplyDeleteBonnie
Bonnie, thank you so much! That's about the nicest thing I've heard all day. My friend!
ReplyDelete"and out the window stare a girl and her mother" was where I began to be confused or something.
ReplyDeleteI made a change there, Carol, and hope it's clearer. Thanks for reading!
ReplyDeleteAs I am not a writer I can't comment intelligently on such things as cadence, etc. But I love the honesty. Find the time to keep writing. Make the time. It's your happiness.
ReplyDelete